Buddy Update

Some people have been asking about Buddy lately so here's the scoop.

I have been seeing him weekly since school started in September. Instead of reading, we've been doing mostly math. His teacher, in my opinion, is much improved over last year. She laments that she is unable to provide him the attention he clearly needs but seems to be hanging in there with him. She acknowledges that he's not a bad kid, just annoying :) Just wants constant attention. I saw his old teacher in the hall the other day and she had the nerve to say to me, "I miss that little guy. I just love him, God help me, just love him." I rolled my eyes and replied, "Oh, come on!" and she insisted. It was all I could do to turn and leave the school. I mean, this is the woman who had him suspended from school for hiding under his chair, right?

Anyway, he's doing pretty much the same. His family is in their own place(s). Strangely, they continue to move every several weeks with the excuse of bedbugs in the apartments, but it may be more likely nonpayment. Regardless, they are on their own.

Here's something else weird. He doesn't have a little brother. I asked the school person where his little brother spends the day since he's too young for school and she looked at me like I had two heads. "He doesn't have a little brother." I know more about this brother than any of his other siblings. He mentions him every visit. How they sleep with their mom or in bunk beds together. The school person said maybe it's his cousin because he often refers to his cousins as brothers and sisters. I think it strikes me as strange because I would expect family relationships to be more defined than that and I wonder if it means anything or not.

Buddy's adult front teeth are growing in and his face is thinning out. He looks way older than he did last year and he's lost a lot of his babyish habits.

He had his 8th birthday and we did cookies and cupcakes at lunch. That was fun. I stayed after lunch to watch his class in action and it was interesting. They sat in a group and discussed the books they had recently read on the subject of kindness. It was easy to tell who was engaged at home and who wasn't. One girl busted out with some serious wisdom and the teacher and I caught each other's eye. She said afterwards that that is what keeps her teaching.

As I mentioned before, I have been reading a lot and thinking a lot about a solution for him. I think my friend Adrienne summed it up for me. She related the story of a man who replied, when asked what the answer to all of this mess is, "One person at a time." I think that's it. All of the social services in the world aren't going to affect this little guy's life and the kicker is, as I told Adrienne, people care about poverty, care about children not receiving an education, care about kids who are neglected, but nobody cares about *Buddy*. And that's his problem.

So here's my strategy. I'm not sure how or if it will work out, but I'm putting it out to the Universe.

Step 1: I've recruited another person, a good looking, successful, Masters-degreed black man, to volunteer with him also. His job will be to demonstrate to Buddy how life can be. He will give him the life experiences that he does not currently have the opportunity to do. I'm putting a lot on this man's shoulders but someone's got to do it and I hope it's him. I bought him a signed copy of one of Cornel West's books and it's going in the mail tomorrow.

Step 2: I am going to find someone to take him to church to see all of the people in his world who are good people, who are consciencious, hardworking, loving, committed. I need to write an entry about seeing Cornel West last month. That's another story. But at that event, I learned of a church that meets pretty darn close to where Buddy lives. In his book "Race Matters", Dr. West talks about looking past liberal constructionists and conservative behaviorists and instead dealing with the black nihilism in the community through something he calls conversion politics. The preacher of the church also addressed those kinds of issues at the West event, the issues that can only be solved through a loving community. Buddy needs that. The challenges are (a) to let it be OK with the mom and (b) to find someone to bring him to church every Sunday.

Step 3: Down the street from where the church meets is an African-American bookstore. Its owner is highly involved in community organizing. I'm thinking that's a superior after-school environment for him and maybe his sister during the week. The big idea is to find an adult willing to meet at the bookstore and hang out for a while, bring a good snack, read, hang out, talk. Again, it's about one-on-one attention, behavior modeling, community, finding people who will care about him specifically.

Big plans. We'll see :)

I had a chance to meet the mom at the Christmas lunch at Buddy's school. But she didn't show. I did meet his sister and that fifth grader has the eyes of a 30-year-old. Once we get Buddy going, she's next.

Getting Ready for Christmas

The boys loved decorating the tree!

This is Ricky celebrating Christmas at preschool. A little busted face, a little green cupcake icing...

Thanksgiving in Stella

Here's the Circus Family :) Hard to get so many kids looking in the same general direction without someone sticking out a tongue...





















Uncle Brian had Ricky duty for a while. I think this was right after Gaga let him have ice cream for Thanksgiving dinner. When it was gone, Ricky looked up innocently and asked, "I finished all my ice cream, so can I have my popsicle now?"
























The babies cleaned out the cookbook cabinet more than once. I haven't seen chubby chins like those in a looong time :)

Kappa Kappa Gamma Reunion, Chapel Hill, NC

Last weekend, Alex and I went to UNC to celebrate the 50th anniversary of Epsilon Gamma chapter of Kappa Kappa Gamma. We enjoyed ourselves immensely. Mom took the boys to the coast so we had only ourselves to manage!
We wound up at the movies on Friday night where we unexpectedly ran into a good friend Crystal from high school! I always find that weird but serendipitous. On Saturday, we had barbeque at the Kappa house and got a house tour. The tiny room that Robbins and I shared is now the President's single. The sleeping porch which used to sleep at least 12 girls now houses only 4 (three of the four are named Katelyn, Katelin, and Caitlin). The young ladies were shocked that we actually used the phone closet on the upstairs hall and the intercom to announce when someone had a phone call downstairs. The study lounge upstairs now has cubicles with a laptop in each. I hadn't thought about the consequences of all of the technology I've enjoyed as a real adult. When I was in school, the Internet was just emerging to the general population and I remember my sheer glee when my dad sprang for the 33 MHz processor in my first college PC.
We sneaked our way into Sitterson, the computer science building where I spent most of my best hours. They've extended it and named the extension after Frederick P. Brooks. The two most significant changes are that the GLAB (what we called the graphics lab) is now the Robotics Lab and - hold onto your socks - there's a room in the Brooks building on the second floor labeled "Lactation Room". Holy heck. We've come a long way, babes. Overall, I left with the impression that I used know things other people didn't and now I can't remember what I was just talking to Susan about before I had to pour someone more milk. I swear I'm going to take calculus classes at UNCC.

Ricky Loves Britney

Halloween!

Lisa and I took the kids on a haunted hay ride. It was slightly scarier than I had banked on, but the kids seem no worse for wear. I had Ricky sitting between me and Robbie and early on in the ride I covered his eyes with my hand. I should have noticed at some point during the event that he had fallen asleep sitting up. Either his brain shut down from too much stimulation or he really did need a nap pretty badly. Probably a good thing he fell asleep regardless. Robbie was fortunate that he had to "go" right before the ride started. When a moaning white-faced zombie staggered toward the wagon, Robbie beamed, "Hey! I saw him in the bathroom!" Kinda hard to be scared of the apparition that helped you turn the faucet on to wash your hands....

For Halloween, Robbie was Indiana Jones and Ricky was Tim Tebow (UF quarterback...)

Here's the video I was trying to upload. Did better on youtube.

Grandparents's Visit

We had a great time visiting with Grandmamma and Nana during their visit at the end of September! We took Nana down to Mary Jo's Fabric and she said she was coming back with an empty suitcase next time so she could stock up!