Some people have been asking about Buddy lately so here's the scoop.
I have been seeing him weekly since school started in September. Instead of reading, we've been doing mostly math. His teacher, in my opinion, is much improved over last year. She laments that she is unable to provide him the attention he clearly needs but seems to be hanging in there with him. She acknowledges that he's not a bad kid, just annoying :) Just wants constant attention. I saw his old teacher in the hall the other day and she had the nerve to say to me, "I miss that little guy. I just love him, God help me, just love him." I rolled my eyes and replied, "Oh, come on!" and she insisted. It was all I could do to turn and leave the school. I mean, this is the woman who had him suspended from school for hiding under his chair, right?
Anyway, he's doing pretty much the same. His family is in their own place(s). Strangely, they continue to move every several weeks with the excuse of bedbugs in the apartments, but it may be more likely nonpayment. Regardless, they are on their own.
Here's something else weird. He doesn't have a little brother. I asked the school person where his little brother spends the day since he's too young for school and she looked at me like I had two heads. "He doesn't have a little brother." I know more about this brother than any of his other siblings. He mentions him every visit. How they sleep with their mom or in bunk beds together. The school person said maybe it's his cousin because he often refers to his cousins as brothers and sisters. I think it strikes me as strange because I would expect family relationships to be more defined than that and I wonder if it means anything or not.
Buddy's adult front teeth are growing in and his face is thinning out. He looks way older than he did last year and he's lost a lot of his babyish habits.
He had his 8th birthday and we did cookies and cupcakes at lunch. That was fun. I stayed after lunch to watch his class in action and it was interesting. They sat in a group and discussed the books they had recently read on the subject of kindness. It was easy to tell who was engaged at home and who wasn't. One girl busted out with some serious wisdom and the teacher and I caught each other's eye. She said afterwards that that is what keeps her teaching.
As I mentioned before, I have been reading a lot and thinking a lot about a solution for him. I think my friend Adrienne summed it up for me. She related the story of a man who replied, when asked what the answer to all of this mess is, "One person at a time." I think that's it. All of the social services in the world aren't going to affect this little guy's life and the kicker is, as I told Adrienne, people care about poverty, care about children not receiving an education, care about kids who are neglected, but nobody cares about *Buddy*. And that's his problem.
So here's my strategy. I'm not sure how or if it will work out, but I'm putting it out to the Universe.
Step 1: I've recruited another person, a good looking, successful, Masters-
degreed black man, to volunteer with him also. His job will be to demonstrate to Buddy how life can be. He will give him the life experiences that he does not currently have the opportunity to do. I'm putting a lot on this man's shoulders but
someone's got to do it and I hope it's him. I bought him a signed copy of one of Cornel West's books and it's going in the mail tomorrow.
Step 2: I am going to find someone to take him to church to see all of the people in his world who are good people, who are consciencious, hardworking, loving, committed. I need to write an entry about seeing
Cornel West last month. That's another story. But at that event, I learned of a church that meets pretty darn close to where Buddy lives. In his book "Race Matters", Dr. West talks about looking past liberal constructionists and conservative
behaviorists and instead dealing with the black nihilism in the community through something he calls conversion politics. The preacher of the church also addressed those kinds of issues at the West event, the issues that can only be solved through a loving community. Buddy needs that. The challenges are (a) to let it be OK with the mom and (b) to find someone to bring him to church every Sunday.
Step 3: Down the street from where the church meets is an African-American bookstore. Its owner is highly involved in community organizing. I'm thinking that's a superior after-school environment for him and maybe his sister during the week. The big idea is to find an adult willing to meet at the bookstore and hang out for a while, bring a good snack, read, hang out, talk. Again, it's about one-on-one attention, behavior modeling, community, finding people who will care about him specifically.
Big plans. We'll see :)
I had a chance to meet the mom at the Christmas lunch at Buddy's school. But she didn't show. I did meet his sister and that fifth grader has the eyes of a 30-year-old. Once we get Buddy going, she's next.
Apparently, Ricky's favorite temperature is *not* cold...
